正文 第21章 一舞倾城，一曲倾心(第1页/共3页)
“我开玩笑的，我开玩笑的，不会有那么一天的，我不会造杀孽，更不会让你陷入两难的境地的生不如死，绝不会让你陪我一起死……师弟，清寒……我以后不和你开这种玩笑了，我错了，是我错了……”
这个女子拥着他，在他怀里哽咽着，罕见的无措，泪水不停地打湿了他的衣襟，似乎也烫了他的心。他一时间心下慌乱，夹杂着隐隐的疼，原本想斥责她的话却再也说不出口他有些僵硬的抬起手一下一下轻抚她的后背，在她耳边轻声说着安抚她的话，花映雪的情绪终于慢慢平静下来，自他怀中抬起头。
慕清寒轻叹一声，引袖为她擦干眼泪，看着她一副做错了事任由惩罚的可怜模样，连责备的话也转为了无奈：“以后不许这样妄言生死，这等谶言大为不祥。师姐，仙途漫漫，我只要你陪我走过。”
花映雪的眼中再度泛起了泪光，确是笑着的，狂喜而不知所措：“我……我从前只知道是我一厢情愿地追着你，缠着你，而你也曾明言一心向道，不愿沾染儿女私情。
你拒绝的越直接，我的不甘就越浓。后来师父师娘也劝我放弃过，说你再好也终究不会是我的良人。你若无心我便休，那本该是最好的成全。
可五十年，我的眼里心里除了你再无他人，凡人半生的情愫，半生的执念，怎能说放下就放下？
那日，我彻夜未眠，枯坐一夜，反复回想你的话语，回想你坚定的神情，回想师父师娘的劝告。人世八苦，求不得竟是这般蚀骨断肠的滋味……原是我百般强求，不知廉耻地招惹你，惹你烦，惹你生气。那么若我收起所有的妄念，埋藏所有的相思，是否还能如初见之时，用最纯粹的同门的身份来与你相处……往后的三十年，我便再也不曾流露过半分思慕。那样，于你于我，都是解脱……可是我没有料到，三十年后，你会那样突然又突兀地在大殿之上，道尽思慕，直言白首……那时，我以为自己已经沉寂多年的心，又重新悸动了起来。那一瞬间，我告诉自己，真情也好，权宜也罢，我愿意为自己赌一次。还好，我赌对了，清寒，我们终究没有错过”
她絮絮叨叨地说着，神色凄楚，似乎要在一时之间吐尽万般苦楚，而慕清寒却已是眼眶湿润，泪光山动，一开口便哑了声：“我从未觉得你厌烦，亦未觉得你不知廉耻，我只是……从未看清自己的心。当我发现自己为了一个人心旌晃动时，我便知道自己开始道心不稳，我开始慌乱，我身上所背负的，容不得我有一丝一毫的动摇。所以，我只能拒绝你，出口伤你，让你彻底死心……直到半年前，我重回故地，已是物是人非，终究是我衷心错付，我信赖的，我亲近的，却用行动来告诉我，什么叫天真到愚蠢，什么叫血肉相残。自此，我再无执念，再无亲人，仅剩的一丝温情也在这般算计与诛杀中消耗殆尽。
回到千亭山，我用了一个月走出那段阴影，更明白真心的可贵。我回想着与你朝
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