正文 第一章 生活(第1页/共3页)
生活是什么?这个问题对不同的人来说,答案必然不同,而如果由玉鸟人和玉秋千父女回答,那他们大概会说生活就是打打闹闹,欢欢笑笑,遇到不顺心事,能忍则忍,不能忍的话……强行忍,除非触碰到底线,否则一律忍。
比如现在吧。走在大街上,一个妖怪撞了玉鸟人一下,不但没有道歉,反而骂玉鸟人眼瞎,如果是正常的主角,那么必然是呵斥一声,霸气出手,教训那妖怪,引来周围人阵阵欢呼和掌声。但玉鸟人没有那么做,他什么都没说,既没有呵斥撞他的妖怪,也没有出手打飞那个远比他弱很多的家伙,而是当场倒地上,嗷嗷叫唤;紧接着他女儿玉秋千就会熟练地扑过来,跪下大哭,高喊“撞死人了”,引得无数看热闹的人围观;再接着,在城市守卫神兵的见证下,玉鸟人和玉秋千正大光明讹了那个撞人妖怪十几块灵石,并且获得了“管他诚恳不诚恳”的道歉——美滋滋。
这就是生活,玉鸟人和玉秋千的生活。
再之后呢?
有了钱当然就是下馆子,玉鸟人和玉秋千找了家不错的饭店,大大方方点菜,唔囔唔囔一顿吃,风卷残云,吃得干干净净,开开心心。吃饱喝足,两人看准时机,薅下几根头发扔到盘子里,吵吵嚷嚷叫老板过来,硬说饭菜不干净,不想给钱。结果老板把出身蛇族的几个厨师叫到大厅,要玉鸟人父女指出头发是哪个人的。完蛋,俩人傻眼了,蛇哪有毛发呀?没辙,只能交钱,而且还有罚款,外加老板和饭店员工把玉鸟人父女一顿揍。二人还是没说什么——无话可说。
生活,这也是生活,玉氏父女的生活。
继续呢?
挨揍也挺好,衣服破破烂烂,脸上鼻青眼肿,看着特别可怜,于是顺势二人找到另外一条街,跪在地上高喊:“行行好~行行好~帮帮我们吧~一场无情的大火烧毁了我们的家园,还请好心人行行好~施舍善心呀~积累功德呀~”然后一块碎灵石,两块碎灵石,三块碎灵石……好心人不少,很快就要了不少钱,俩人又变得乐滋滋,暗暗庆幸没有白挨打,还能赚回一些钱。
这也是生活。
再继续。
又有钱了,又可以“挥霍”了,拿着几十块碎灵石,俩人跑去茶楼听评书,一边听一边评论,一会儿埋怨评书先生声音太小,一会儿又嫌人家声音太大,要不然就说人家吐字不清,再不就讲究人家说话太慢,总之就是不满意。人家评书先生也不是泥塑的,也有脾气,指着鸟人父女,叫他们上来说。鸟人和秋千对视一眼,不怯场,上去就开始瞎讲,什么三清老仙不和,门下徒弟打架斗殴,什么玉皇大帝、王母娘娘和东华帝君相互下绊子,时不时吵闹算计,再有什么司法大神杨戬用司法神府的经费给哮天犬买狗粮,专买最贵的,还有什么三坛海会大神哪吒与家里人不对付,天天不在家,以及什么雷震子飞的
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